Saturday, October 19, 2013

Book Review: Pennsylvania Patchwork

By Kate Lloyd
This is the first Amish book I've read and let me tell you, this did not make a good first impression. In hindsight, maybe I should have started with some of the more popular authors and series in the genre. Oh look, it's my best friend regret. Back by popular demand. Not. It doesn't help that I don't even like Amish people. They call themselves plain for a reason folks and fictionalized books about their people don't do much to spruce up their lives either. This book was plain, it was boring, it was dull. The most exciting thing that happened was one of the main characters- and I don't even know which because they both seemed like they were the same person with a different name- received a slutty looking doll in the mail or some hookerish satin fabric from Vietnam or something or both. I don't know. It was so stupid. 

I read up to the 50% mark and I had to quit. I'm not a quitter. I may quit one or two books a year. It has to be bad. This was bad. If it wasn't an eBook I'd just throw it in the dumpster. I wouldn't even give it away. No one deserves a crappy book like this. There were so many freaking things going on. It was like Amish Jerry Springer, but less trashy. I'm just going to have to list the things that I can recall:

-There's a mother and daughter who just moved to Amishland from Seattle. They owned a store in Seattle selling fake Amish goods, mostly made in China. The mother grew up Amish, but left for a man I think. But, maybe he was Amish too. He's dead now... or is he?

-The mother is now engaged to a younger man?

-The younger man has a brother which the daughter is engaged to?

-The brother of the younger man which the daughter is engaged too has an English woman whom he slept with... or was maybe married too or in a relationship of some sort with. Maybe they were just friends with benefits :::shrug:::. So, they have a secret son together. He's a real nice guy and denies that he's the father. So, they go on Maury for a paternity test.

-I'm just kidding they didn't go on Maury. At least not in the first half of the book. I'm not sure what happens in the last half and I don't want to know.

-While all this is happening (mind you, we're still in the first half of the book) either the mother or daughter starts receiving mysterious mail from Florida regarding the dead father/husband.

-There's some sort of mystery about did the father/husband really die. A doll and some fabric that's supposed to be from Vietnam and a gift from the dead father/husband arrives.

-The mother and grandmother get into a physical altercation that actually lands the grandma in the hospital.

-A man who isn't all the way Amish starts flirting with the daughter. She likes him, but she has that darn fiance who may be an English woman's baby daddy.

-Another man shows up and goes on a road trip with the kinda Amish man. I can't remember why they go on a road trip, but I think it's too Ohio.

All these things above are happening as each chapter flip-flops between the mother and daughter's perspectives. The mother is childish and immature, so I kept getting really confused about which one I was currently reading about. This book was like overload for me, but it was amazingly DULL at the same time. 

1 out of 5 stars.

I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this book courtesy of David C. Cook in exchange for an honest review.

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